Let me whine where no one reads. I would blab this on Facebook, but either no one would respond or people would just feel sorry for me feeling the way that I do. About two years ago I came to the conclusion that if I am having a really bad day, a down in the dumps, want to lock myself in my room day there is nothing I can do about it and no one to talk to about it. I don't have anyone near by that I can call friend enough to have them rescue me. No neighbors, no ward member, and no even my family can be there so I can call and talk with me. Of course I know that they have lives, they have kids or their own and also jobs that they work hard at. Every time I think on this too much it gets me really down, like to tears down. I long for friends, but I am also starting to realize that this probably isn't in the cards for me. I need to be more like Matt and not care that I don't have any friends. Maybe this hurts someone's feelings and maybe no one would care.
There will be no random acts of kindness for me because no one knows I exist. Sure they invite me to things, but they also invite thirty other people to talk to and laugh with. I know most of this falls on my shoulders because I am not willing to butt into other people's conversations. Really if you aren't talking at me I feel really bad about putting in my two bits.
I am just being selfish and wishing that I had more when I should just shut up and be happy that I have three kids of good health who are happy to play with each other and never tell me that they wish they could play with friends. I have a husband who works and brings home money for us to buy food and pay the bills. We have a house that keeps us warm and the bugs out (mostly, somehow those little critters always sneak in). I am not wanting a flood of attention because I tell people how I feel, that I tend to me unhappy with where I am, but I do want to feel that connection with people around me.
Okay, I got that out. Now I can say that I have typed my option and frustrations. Go back to your daily lives now. Hope your day has been going well and that it will still go well after you leave my post. I appreciate you taking the time to read my blah blah blah
I'm glad you blogged about this Kim. I srarted blogging originally to help myself deal with various struggles and I found it really helpful.
ReplyDeleteI understand not putting stuff on FB. Often I just want to share my thoughts, but don't because I don't want to know people's comments on them, even encouraging ones.
So I will not encourage you. I'm tempted to offer some practical advice on making friends, but I'm not always very good at that myself (especially in a crowded setting), so I will resist unless asked.
I too like the blogging because I can get feelings out, and about and away into the world. I have been struggling with similar things, not having friends, not feeling good enough, feeling alone. I think as females we crave companionship in a different way then our husbands. (Lee could care less that he is never invited to things) Unfortunately I don't have any advice, because I am still trying to figure this out too, but maybe at least we can be alone together?
ReplyDeleteLove you!
This is one of those moments I wish we were near each other, rather than in different states! It's interesting how we can feel alone when surrounded by others; I've felt that myself lately. I'm lucky to have lots of close friends where I'm at, but I still get lonely, though that's more a product of being single than anything else. Don't give up, Kim! Things will always get better, even if they are hard for a really long time. Believe me, I know!
ReplyDelete